"Acceptance to Julliard as a guitar major means condemnation to a life of probable obscurity and certain poverty." Richard Denner

How do you get to Carnegie Hall?
Practice. Then audition on YouTube.

A youngster says to his mother: "Mom, when I grow up I think I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

Why couldn't Mozart find his teacher?

            Because he was Haydn.

How do you get a guitar player to play softer?

            Give him some sheet music.

What do you call a guitarist without a girlfriend?


What is the difference between a pop guitarist and a jazz guitarist?

            The pop guitarist plays 3 chords to a 1000 people, and the jazz guitarist plays...(you finish it).......

A minor walks into a bar and the bartender refuses to serve minors; A minor leaves and C  asks E   if he wants to split a fifth.

The gig is over, and the jazz club is almost deserted. The grizzled old guitar player is relaxing having a drink, when in walks an absolutely stunning red-head. She walks hesitantly over to the guitar player and says, "You know, I heard you play earlier tonight, but after I left I just had to come back and tell you that when I listened to you play, I felt that you were playing just to me alone. I was entranced listening to you. Every note that you played touched me in such a personal and emotional way like I haven't felt in years. I want to take you home with me, pamper you, and make love to you until we're both exhausted."

Replied the guitar player: "Did you catch the 1st or the 2nd set?"

New Yorker Cartoon by Matthew Diffee

What is the difference between a guitarist and a pizza?

            A pizza can feed a family of four.

What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common?

            Both suck when you plug them in.

Know how to make a million dollars playing jazz?

            Start with two million.